Memoirs of a year

It was exactly one year back, I was sitting on small room, painted in a light yellow color with big double glazed windows and my room heater was blazing all guns. I was sporting a beard and suffering from cold while suddenly phone rings and I jump onto a street with million of people kissing, hugging, shedding tears as the 2012 got started.

That was one year back.

It has been a pretty interesting year to be honest. From the gloomy windy York to sunny country sides of Aviemore into the brightly lit London to ever colorful Calcutta to a crowded shopping malls in Bangalore, it has been a whirlwind tour for me!

I have met some wonderful people over the course of time, some became friend, some not too friendly, some forgotten like they never came, while some left an indelible mark on my mind. But each person came for a purpose and made me learn something.

This year has made me a better person, a wiser and sober in certain sense and has enriched my experiences with memories for a lifetime. I have sat over the top of Calton Hill and watching the clouds pass me and that sudden wind which stirs my soul and have shared small pizza on a maddening Calcutta street with someone special and have meet my parents and octogenarian grannie after an year and saw the toothless radiant smile on their face and have received a sudden gift of poetry from a charming lady with a handwritten note scribbled on it soaked in affection...priceless memories...It will stay with me.

I thank whoever has blessed me, loved me, waited for me all night hoping to hear my voice....your prayer has made my life, strengthen me and guided me in troubled times...
I will keep you in my prayers.

Finding Nemo

After getting sufficiently bored and getting dumped by my girl friend, I decided to do something new.
What about opening matrimony account and finding someone pretty lassie! My mother always liked when I started talking about marriage. She was too concerned with my grey hair and a receding hairline!
So after a gentle discussion with my beloved ever happy room-mate and emptying couple of big jars of mango pickles, I felt prepared. I thought let’s do this.

I immediately searched through a few well known Indian match maker sites and suitably registered myself. I posted a recent pot bellied picture of mine take in some western ghat jungle with couple of super cool dudes...Ah…I thought now the requests from pretty Indian girls or their anxious fathers will start raining down...

After couple of weeks, I realized no one had sent me a request, while in the meantime I have sent a few hundreds of requests! It seemed homely educated shy coy Indian girl does not give a flying duck about me!
Startled by this revelation, I decided to upgrade my account to a paid one...started brushing my hair and wearing Tee-shit with meaningless quotes and listening to ABBA...started asking about Stephanie Meyer and latest Vampire couples.

Still no interests…It was well after a month...I decided to quit...I was bored and awfully frustrated at this non responsiveness from ladies...I decided to close it...I informed Ma and thought about closing my account in a few days...In the meantime I had gone back to my old fashioned life.
It was Sunday morning, raining in Bangalore. I was sleeping like a polar bear all day, woke up and logged online and was browsing through latest Arsenal updates, when…WTF…someone has accepted my request!
Sweet lord! I was elated. I jumped onto her profile…Let me see her face…Jesus…she is pretty!

Today is my day! I thought!

I was immediately planning for my honeymoon in Bahamas…naming kids and thinking about my retirement plans. I looked closely at her profile. She has shared her mail id and asked to chat for few days!
Sounds promising!

In the meantime, my small room got flooded with friends, each one congratulating me and shyly requesting, “Please say Hi to our Bhabhi (read sister in law)”. Someone even has asked me about what will be the menu in my marriage.

Day one in Indian matrimony has been eventful.

Meeting sunshine

Totally unprepared…completely nervous and with a thousand thoughts, I started walking towards nearest Auto stand....I am meeting someone today....I have spoken to her for a long time...a close friend of mine...but this is our first meeting...my heart starts thumping...some long lost feeling from crowded streets of Bangalore comes back rushing to my mind...

I carefully check my wallet...count the notes...cross check on the coins...Relieved...I asked my father to give his old spice...it works like charm...I unpack one of my old jeans, crumpled and shirt which I bought from a old shack downtown Edinburgh....

But I am still restless...I started half an hour early…it was a bright day...perfect blue sky mildly scattered clouds...temperature searing to 100F...I slowly started walking towards auto stop....
Little crowded...kids...book seller...DYFI members with white cap with Red Crescent and fliers in hand...local sweet shops staring aimlessly towards empty store...animated egg-roll wala shouting to attract two ultra-thin girls in early twenties with brightly colored salwar...

Clock ticks to 4PM....I look towards everyone passing by...carefully observing there face...has she come? Why is she late? I get a bit annoyed...perhaps I am too early! I check my watch impatiently...
Suddenly a flash of bright smile...It’s her...I could not focus on anything else...I throat dried up...after minute fumbling…
I said, "Hi!"...

Hopeless romance, here I go again...

[Note: This piece is absolutely nonfiction. All the characters are real. If you happen to find similarity with someone you know…You know...It’s her]

I wish India had a Aviemore

The end game has began...I have started selling off my carefully bought items...packing pieces of memories in a bubble wrap...some of them were purchased from downtown london...some from a smiling lady in Stirling....all are memories...

It's time to leave....I have always felt a very special attachment to highlands...its clear blue skies..and cold wind are absolute delight to me...stopping by wee shop to buy hot soup and whipped mayonnaise sandwich...It made me long for Haldwani and Kathgheria..my childhood dream places...

I had good time here...much away from hustle of Bangalore...
I found peace here...weekend trips to highlands or Portobello beach..lazily walking around princes street, while looking towards majestic Edinburgh castle...sounds of Auld Lang Syne floods the street..
I was lonely here..couple of calls..that's was all for the day...once I go back..I will have my responsibilities...family...a billion population and color to greet me...
I wish India had a Aviemore...

Some Thoughts

As my tenure draws closure....its the time for me to head back to the place where it all began.....though it's not really comforting to be in Bangalore.....but I don't seem to have much of an option.....Things have changed since I was last there...lot has changed.......I have changed....a new phase of life awaits there.....not sure how I will react to it....but somehow it does give me hope and also poses a lot of questions.....

Yes, I am thinking about getting married and settling the score.....but a lot questions come to my mind....I happened meet quite few girls over last year...some charming..some not so...and some downright revolting in their attitude.....But I wonder, if I don't find someone who will love me, then what's the point in getting married! It seems all about compromising, and even to an extent that you don't have much left to yourself....

Every other person seem to ask me questions, plans and suddenly disappear in the social networking sites as they come....some become aloof and some do not bother to respond.....I guess I have become so incompetent that I cannot seem to find a right person for me! Is there a shortage of right sensitive women in India? or is it that they all are looking for potential Ayushman Khuarana's!....if that is the case why does women pose as sensitive, loving, caring as their attribute! I don't seem to see a iota of that, in them!!

All I have thought about and experienced seem to be nothing but crap.....I am slowly turned against arranged marriage..I guess I don't have much hope finding anyone in near future...so I should better concentrate on my other hobbies to keep me occupied....what about Ben Nevis?

Yes, to update, I will be climbing Ben Nevis this weekend....probably I will stand on highest mountain in United Kingdom and have samosa, while thinking about someone....no...I will rather think next climb...

Welcome to my new life....

Endless Goodbye

Just a like an endless passionate embrace, uncalled for, hungered for love and touch, I try to engulf the voice...separated by many a mile...many seas and countries....I can still feel the smell of her hair, the gentle fragrance of her perfume....in my own mind I tend to cross the atlantic..the frozen lochs and moores...crossing caringorms and goatfell, breaching the endless landscape of nothingness filled with whispering pines....I come towards you...

The mellifluous voice flows across the unnamed terrain of my heart....just like the I Giorgio...its surreal, divine....

Every goodbye comes with a strange sense of promise to meet again....the twinkle in eyes remains....there lies a hope...

Meeting again?

At some point of time in life..somewhere...in some other form...the affection and love gets transformed as compassion and divinity...

But where ever you go...in some form you will find me..as a guide, philosopher, tired drunkard writing love stories on the wall of his life...as a lost poet or insomniac...whatever you call me..its just me...transformed by you...for better.

Rain

I stare at the rain swept walk-away...it has not stopped raining for days....small little droplets on my window...I carelessly look at the shabby room of mine...uncared..packs of books, gadgets, camera, second hand bags, chocolate wrapper, disfigured news paper from somewhere...all find peaceful co-existence in my room.. as the beautiful voice of Adele fills my flat....dimming  my light with Chinese paper lanterns...it makes strange shapes...never mind I will find someone like you....I repeat it often in my dreams and try to imagine a ideal place for summer holiday...just like the "Paint me a Birmingham"....cotton dresses in early spring...

I seem to have a strange visitor in my room..a blue beaked bird...everyday it pokes at my window..early morning as if to let me know..its a new day...the chimney from Tyne castle blurs the background....

I wake up...quickly pack my cold sandwiches and check my mail...no mails from people I know..three junk mails from some obscure financial institute in Nigeria, and a hair enhancing oil company! I grab my north-face and run after the almost crowded 25....

Another day begins...with rain.

Clouds

Its a strange pattern of clouds today..layer upon layers..old Victorian chimneys with soot covered stillness....sudden wind....Its strange day..never have seen a windy day with such rain....
I wish some brightness now..

Life Diaries

Love has been a very special emotion for any human being..it affects us like anything...makes it humble or leaves us in frustration...when I see some old blog contents, written by someone I was in love with, I feel a very strange pain....
It was as if an unfinished story....I try to remember the story, those moments, I knew from the start it was my story....still there are lot of unfinished phrases...some how it remained incomplete....there were promises, not kept.

I remember the face, the soft light coming out of it, there was this tender gentle kind eyes...which always guided me in my difficult times...there was touch of sympathy in her tone...an obvious confidence...which made my day..always...

Story remains unfinished...I wish I could go back in time...and undo certain mistakes....I wish she could have stayed a bit longer...I wish.

Four year of Blogging

Its been four odd years since I have been blogging...though the literary quality is as dismal as it was before..perhaps my thoughts have become much more complex these days, than what it used to be...

I had started writing about my life, love and journey involved in this blog. Not really sure,who else reads this blog apart from myself, but I wanted to talk about somethings in my life, which I could not speak otherwise..I am sure..I have achieved it a bit...

Last four years has been pretty unforgettable..made a few friends, lost a few, acquired grey hair, a new car, a much darker skin tone, and some nice fridge magnets....
Somethings remained same...a sense of loss, optimism and forgetfulness...my characteristics are still in place...have not changed a bit!

I would like to end this post with a poem which has touched much of life and thinking in a strange way...this poem talks about the transient nature of human life...and the eternal journey that we undertake...

"And the night shall be filled with music,    
  And the cares, that infest the day,    
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,    
  And as silently steal away."
- by H.W.Longfellow

My journey across the globe continues..

Every days life

Running late for office..just at the nick of time my phone rang...quite surprisingly a long forgotten voice on the other end...Time just paused.....coffee became cold with thin layer sugary coat...stray light beam become stronger...the noise of downtown Edinburgh becomes little more noisier...

But had to run...I quickly ran over my clock and checked my bus timings...jumped out on the street with my jumper and onto the bus...talked all the way back to office...
I had so many things to ask....some moments of past...some reflections of the present...and glimpses of future...

I felt a bit light...It felt that the past feelings does not matter much...its like small detour....every traveler of life faces one...I am no different....

It is just that..I have found new happiness in life...perhaps a new hobby which keeps me going in hard times...or is it that I have changed as a person?

Season Diaries - Spring

I feel a strange sense restlessness again...the smell of the wild flower of Aviemore, the harsh cold winds of the Ness mixed with the fading sunlight....makes me restless again...

After a long hike, when someone comes forward and shares a bowl of hot soup in some rundown backpacker hostel..or lights a small fire with charcoal and damp wood...the smell of earthy highlands melts into your heart...the touch of carelessly beautiful chuckle reminds me...Its time...long arduous road ahead... 

I am feeling restless again.