Finding Happiness

What are things you miss?

Do you miss your school days fighting with most innocent looking fat kid in the class for exchanging some stamps, or having samosa on a rainy day from the shack close to your college, or the the auto ride with someone special trying to steal a nervous kiss or it is your younger looking dad, dashing in blue safari with a strange aura of an bygone era or it is your Mum anxiously asking if you have had your daily dose of paranthas before going to your office, or is it a touch of loving hand, who always makes you wonder, what did you do to make her love you so much..

I guess I miss everything...

My Last Post

I have been a very romantic person all my life. Not sure, whether it has been a weakness or strength. But that was me! I had always dreamt of finding that someone special, someone with whom I can plan rest of my life, someone to share my happiness and dreams, sometimes sadness perhaps, someone whose eyes would speak the same stories of love and affection as of mine.
It was a perfect day, when I met her. Still remember, how her hair was falling over her face, and she was caressing it back, and she was gently touching her chin and laughing out loud on my poor jokes!
I thought I had just found my princess. She is the one.
Was not to be.
More I wanted to come closer to her, more she went far, until reached a point of no return.
When I look back on my millions of answered messages, and calls, I feel a very strange sense of awkwardness.
I have tried whatever I could, however I could. But I just could not touch her heart.

An evening in solitude

It's getting dark too early..I generally take a long walk back home...criss-crossing these empty neon lit burger shops, chinease take-aways, polish bazar's.
Sometimes some Lothian whizzes pass, some gentleman rushing to his home with hands clutching briefcase, some watt heriot dude with an beer crate munching crisps, nerdy looking chinese student listleslsy browsing through his i-phone....tired road worker with his folded news paper taking a quick nap, Overtly smart teen queen with melodramtic argument with her pal.

This road is desertd always...sometimes frequented by a few love lorn pink haired couples....I walk along...
Its getting dark too early these days.

Autobiography part 1

There is not a single day..that I do not think about you...not even a single moment...it all comes back...the smiles..laughters..kisses...as if nothing has changed..everything is in its place..
Except you are not there anymore...
That elegant smile has been replaced by a strange coarse silence! The innocent eyes are now busy looking somewhere else...someone's else's reflection in your eyes...

Memories please let me sleep

Today again..I am feeling restless..again that same old feeling...feeling of an emptiness taking over my mind....again...at this midnight...when most of the city sleeps...careless winds sweeps down the tall...the flickering light in front of the apartment parkway looks freaky....

I am again spending another restless night in open air...there is a strange calm...night watchman's gentle stroll in the park...

There I can see, us....somewhere...still in the sunset..hand in hand...just like the promises made...I am hallucinating....let me sleep...memories please let me sleep.

You would remember me

When you will look back to this mail..after a long time from now...you would think about me..probably for a fraction of a second...you would know...that I was there..

Waiting for your call...running up and down on the broken terrace with mobile clutched on my numb hand...

Probably unknowingly you might smile, might even try remembering my name...you will try to sketch my face...lost in a crowd...probably you would remember the promises made...the dreams shared...the smiles exchanged.

Probably, that would be the only time, you would remember me.

--From my personal archives

The simplest things in life are best

Last few weeks has been pretty interesting…I have seen almost everything…different emotions…feeling of despair…agony…Followed by patches of happiness…unexpected joys…nixed with little apprehensions…almost every available emotions present in human dictionary…

After all these…roller coaster rides…I think still have the zeal to live it for a better tomorrow…just like the good old days…Just trying to keep it simple…

Remembered a old poem from the great Ruskin bond…sharing it..hoping it would touch your heart..in someway…

The simplest things in life are best-
A patch of green,
A small bird’s nest,
A drink of water, fresh and cold,
The taste of bread,
A song of old;
These are the things that matter most.
The laughter of a child,
A favorite book,
Flowers growing wild,
A cricket singing in a shady nook.
A ball that bounces high!
A summer shower,
A rainbow in the sky,
The touch of a loving hand,
And time to rest-
These simple things in life are best.

Walking again

Just when I thought..I have nothing to expect from life..after all these lonely nights...sitting on staircases...waiting...some calls just never come...


Just saw an angel...when she touches...I forget my pain...when she talks..its like spring time in downtown Bangalore...sheer bliss...

Looks like my forgotten dreams are coming back...
I can smell those lovely jasmines again...silent night is intoxicating...I can again feel that same old rush..same old feeling long lost...

I have started walking again...

Loneliness within me

The loneliness within me
Takes a heavy toll
'Cause it burns as slow as whiskey through an empty aching soul
And the night is like a dagger
Long and cold and sharp
As I sit here on the front steps
Blowing smoke rings in the dark

Wish you were here

Waited for you in the train station...with the rain pouring down...got drenched....but held on to the memories..not to leave....I have a fair share of love..smile and joys in it...No way I can let it go so easily..

You never came...never answered my frantic calls..never to reply me back...just faded into the shadowy monsoon rain.

I just wanted to tell you, that I miss you badly.-
"Wish you were here, wish you could see this place
Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face."

Please stay for me

I just wish to see you..one more time, before you go...
so many words are unspoken..so many dreams are untouched...so many poems of mine remains in forgetfulness..
I know, I am going crazy over this..but honestly it is somewhat impossible for me to imagine a day without you...
You have been my true North..my guiding star...every smile of you lights up my life....
I miss you...I am missing you badly..

Don't go..my love..please don't go.

Last letter to my love

No matter whatever you do in life…just remember that there was a guy…me…who loved you more than anything else...who was crazy about you...who just loved you and wanted nothing in return..

I just wanted to see you smile and be happy…I know that I might never have touched your heart in anyway...just wanted you to know...that I tried every day to become closer to you...I tried my best...I had put whatever I can...from wherever I can…

You know I have waited for someone like you for so long…so when I met you, I knew I have found my princess…since that bus journey…I have been madly in love with you…

You have been the love of my life...there is little doubt in my mind, that I have never ever loved anyone more than you…Never... And never will be.

Lovingly yours.

What went wrong

I wonder does she remember the days we had together..holding hands, promising to remain with each other till the end...smiling at every possible instance...dizzy feeling..
Suddenly, all these are memory of yesteryear's..dusty..

Does she really remember me..someone who just wanted to listen to her voices, talk about any trivial stories..someone who just wanted love..absolutely nothing else..
Got nothing in return...blank..all the emotional investments made are gone...
Just became bankrupt...
Thanks Lord.

Rejected.

How does it feel to get rejected?
Awkward, strange, little embarrassing to be precise..well I had this feeling quite a few times in my life...looks like they are here to stay..sometime more..
It feels somewhat strange to find that all these notions of love, I had for most of my life, is unabashedly fictional. It all depends upon the money you earn, spend and splurge!
Which in all its true sense, is very limited to me:P...
Never really realized that I need to have earn in dollars to get love:D..

Lessons Learnt?
Back to work. Change my routes...Get a new hair cut and get drunk..
Phew.

A letter to my love

To one who has been long in city pent,

It’s been long since I saw you, heard your voice and touched you. It's been dreadfully long.
Suddenly some of my old feelings came rushing through the chasm of my forgetfulness…remember the day we walked together in rain...or the first trek?
You know, strangely, I am not particularly disheartened even after all these miseries, loss and pain.
But in my heart I have this terrible longing to hold you in my arms. Just for once.
Smiles,

Indro

Love and rain

Strange but true..I have found a lot of similarities between rain and love...it reminds of the day, when I went meet someone...and she never turned up...waited..and waited..until rain came pouring down...I still remember that feeling...while walking back home...
A feeling being unloved...feeling of cold and dampness..feeling of strange sadness...something very close to me was lost that day...
Today was no different..another day..another year...looks like...I have lost again.
Shitt.

Taking a walk back

Coming back from office in a empty is not really an enchanting experience. Mostly aged guys and grumpy aunts, endlessly engaged in amusing conversations. Pretty boring stuff, until the day she walked in.
Tired, loosely tied hair falling over her face, caressing her face. Little remnant of kohl over her sharp eyes.
She sat beside me, smiled and unknowingly touched a certain section of my heart.
Little impromptu talk, little gibberish, childish sometimes, sometimes astonishingly stupid...but honestly it was good.
I felt good.

Journal of an Idiot - part 2

Saw a window...opened it...outside lies an amazing palette of colors...birch, chinar, cedar trees...colored in yellow, orange, greenish leaves...with strange warm wind caressing my face....smell of a flowers....looks like autumn.
Am I dreaming?

--dated 12/04/2010