Some Thoughts

As my tenure draws closure....its the time for me to head back to the place where it all began.....though it's not really comforting to be in Bangalore.....but I don't seem to have much of an option.....Things have changed since I was last there...lot has changed.......I have changed....a new phase of life awaits there.....not sure how I will react to it....but somehow it does give me hope and also poses a lot of questions.....

Yes, I am thinking about getting married and settling the score.....but a lot questions come to my mind....I happened meet quite few girls over last year...some charming..some not so...and some downright revolting in their attitude.....But I wonder, if I don't find someone who will love me, then what's the point in getting married! It seems all about compromising, and even to an extent that you don't have much left to yourself....

Every other person seem to ask me questions, plans and suddenly disappear in the social networking sites as they come....some become aloof and some do not bother to respond.....I guess I have become so incompetent that I cannot seem to find a right person for me! Is there a shortage of right sensitive women in India? or is it that they all are looking for potential Ayushman Khuarana's!....if that is the case why does women pose as sensitive, loving, caring as their attribute! I don't seem to see a iota of that, in them!!

All I have thought about and experienced seem to be nothing but crap.....I am slowly turned against arranged marriage..I guess I don't have much hope finding anyone in near future...so I should better concentrate on my other hobbies to keep me occupied....what about Ben Nevis?

Yes, to update, I will be climbing Ben Nevis this weekend....probably I will stand on highest mountain in United Kingdom and have samosa, while thinking about someone....no...I will rather think next climb...

Welcome to my new life....

Endless Goodbye

Just a like an endless passionate embrace, uncalled for, hungered for love and touch, I try to engulf the voice...separated by many a mile...many seas and countries....I can still feel the smell of her hair, the gentle fragrance of her perfume....in my own mind I tend to cross the atlantic..the frozen lochs and moores...crossing caringorms and goatfell, breaching the endless landscape of nothingness filled with whispering pines....I come towards you...

The mellifluous voice flows across the unnamed terrain of my heart....just like the I Giorgio...its surreal, divine....

Every goodbye comes with a strange sense of promise to meet again....the twinkle in eyes remains....there lies a hope...

Meeting again?

At some point of time in life..somewhere...in some other form...the affection and love gets transformed as compassion and divinity...

But where ever you go...in some form you will find me..as a guide, philosopher, tired drunkard writing love stories on the wall of his life...as a lost poet or insomniac...whatever you call me..its just me...transformed by you...for better.

Rain

I stare at the rain swept walk-away...it has not stopped raining for days....small little droplets on my window...I carelessly look at the shabby room of mine...uncared..packs of books, gadgets, camera, second hand bags, chocolate wrapper, disfigured news paper from somewhere...all find peaceful co-existence in my room.. as the beautiful voice of Adele fills my flat....dimming  my light with Chinese paper lanterns...it makes strange shapes...never mind I will find someone like you....I repeat it often in my dreams and try to imagine a ideal place for summer holiday...just like the "Paint me a Birmingham"....cotton dresses in early spring...

I seem to have a strange visitor in my room..a blue beaked bird...everyday it pokes at my window..early morning as if to let me know..its a new day...the chimney from Tyne castle blurs the background....

I wake up...quickly pack my cold sandwiches and check my mail...no mails from people I know..three junk mails from some obscure financial institute in Nigeria, and a hair enhancing oil company! I grab my north-face and run after the almost crowded 25....

Another day begins...with rain.

Clouds

Its a strange pattern of clouds today..layer upon layers..old Victorian chimneys with soot covered stillness....sudden wind....Its strange day..never have seen a windy day with such rain....
I wish some brightness now..

Life Diaries

Love has been a very special emotion for any human being..it affects us like anything...makes it humble or leaves us in frustration...when I see some old blog contents, written by someone I was in love with, I feel a very strange pain....
It was as if an unfinished story....I try to remember the story, those moments, I knew from the start it was my story....still there are lot of unfinished phrases...some how it remained incomplete....there were promises, not kept.

I remember the face, the soft light coming out of it, there was this tender gentle kind eyes...which always guided me in my difficult times...there was touch of sympathy in her tone...an obvious confidence...which made my day..always...

Story remains unfinished...I wish I could go back in time...and undo certain mistakes....I wish she could have stayed a bit longer...I wish.

Four year of Blogging

Its been four odd years since I have been blogging...though the literary quality is as dismal as it was before..perhaps my thoughts have become much more complex these days, than what it used to be...

I had started writing about my life, love and journey involved in this blog. Not really sure,who else reads this blog apart from myself, but I wanted to talk about somethings in my life, which I could not speak otherwise..I am sure..I have achieved it a bit...

Last four years has been pretty unforgettable..made a few friends, lost a few, acquired grey hair, a new car, a much darker skin tone, and some nice fridge magnets....
Somethings remained same...a sense of loss, optimism and forgetfulness...my characteristics are still in place...have not changed a bit!

I would like to end this post with a poem which has touched much of life and thinking in a strange way...this poem talks about the transient nature of human life...and the eternal journey that we undertake...

"And the night shall be filled with music,    
  And the cares, that infest the day,    
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,    
  And as silently steal away."
- by H.W.Longfellow

My journey across the globe continues..

Every days life

Running late for office..just at the nick of time my phone rang...quite surprisingly a long forgotten voice on the other end...Time just paused.....coffee became cold with thin layer sugary coat...stray light beam become stronger...the noise of downtown Edinburgh becomes little more noisier...

But had to run...I quickly ran over my clock and checked my bus timings...jumped out on the street with my jumper and onto the bus...talked all the way back to office...
I had so many things to ask....some moments of past...some reflections of the present...and glimpses of future...

I felt a bit light...It felt that the past feelings does not matter much...its like small detour....every traveler of life faces one...I am no different....

It is just that..I have found new happiness in life...perhaps a new hobby which keeps me going in hard times...or is it that I have changed as a person?