Letter to someone I have not seen for a long time

Dear Sunshine,

This is my first letter in a long time...2012 and its memories have already faded into my brain..A not too new 2013 stares at me....Life has changed over the months....I have become a sort of different person...my strange behavior of lonely wandering has now changed...It has a new destination...
The paths now lead to you…whom I love....all the dreams start and surround you...
I have argued with you…I have fought you...loved you and dreamed and hoped and prayed for you....You have been a strange influence in my life....
You have been firm and at the same calm in the face of storms....

Our love is growing stronger day by day...from the depths of fight into the new future...I promise to be worthy of you always....I promise to take better care of you...provide with hope and attention always and not to shy away from responsibilities....
I am thousands of mile away from you...sitting a small room stuffed with unwashed socks and pile of cloths....a collective sense of frustration creeps inside me...for not seeing you too often...not spending enough time with you....

But I am stuck in place...in a work with little happiness...you gives me something which I cannot explain...some sort of elixir...your voice recharges my battery...gives me a tingling feeling....
You are still reason I am fighting for...for waking up morning and dragging my tired soul to another excruciatingly awful day at work....
You are the reason I am here....

xoxo

Memoirs of a year

It was exactly one year back, I was sitting on small room, painted in a light yellow color with big double glazed windows and my room heater was blazing all guns. I was sporting a beard and suffering from cold while suddenly phone rings and I jump onto a street with million of people kissing, hugging, shedding tears as the 2012 got started.

That was one year back.

It has been a pretty interesting year to be honest. From the gloomy windy York to sunny country sides of Aviemore into the brightly lit London to ever colorful Calcutta to a crowded shopping malls in Bangalore, it has been a whirlwind tour for me!

I have met some wonderful people over the course of time, some became friend, some not too friendly, some forgotten like they never came, while some left an indelible mark on my mind. But each person came for a purpose and made me learn something.

This year has made me a better person, a wiser and sober in certain sense and has enriched my experiences with memories for a lifetime. I have sat over the top of Calton Hill and watching the clouds pass me and that sudden wind which stirs my soul and have shared small pizza on a maddening Calcutta street with someone special and have meet my parents and octogenarian grannie after an year and saw the toothless radiant smile on their face and have received a sudden gift of poetry from a charming lady with a handwritten note scribbled on it soaked in affection...priceless memories...It will stay with me.

I thank whoever has blessed me, loved me, waited for me all night hoping to hear my voice....your prayer has made my life, strengthen me and guided me in troubled times...
I will keep you in my prayers.

Finding Nemo

After getting sufficiently bored and getting dumped by my girl friend, I decided to do something new.
What about opening matrimony account and finding someone pretty lassie! My mother always liked when I started talking about marriage. She was too concerned with my grey hair and a receding hairline!
So after a gentle discussion with my beloved ever happy room-mate and emptying couple of big jars of mango pickles, I felt prepared. I thought let’s do this.

I immediately searched through a few well known Indian match maker sites and suitably registered myself. I posted a recent pot bellied picture of mine take in some western ghat jungle with couple of super cool dudes...Ah…I thought now the requests from pretty Indian girls or their anxious fathers will start raining down...

After couple of weeks, I realized no one had sent me a request, while in the meantime I have sent a few hundreds of requests! It seemed homely educated shy coy Indian girl does not give a flying duck about me!
Startled by this revelation, I decided to upgrade my account to a paid one...started brushing my hair and wearing Tee-shit with meaningless quotes and listening to ABBA...started asking about Stephanie Meyer and latest Vampire couples.

Still no interests…It was well after a month...I decided to quit...I was bored and awfully frustrated at this non responsiveness from ladies...I decided to close it...I informed Ma and thought about closing my account in a few days...In the meantime I had gone back to my old fashioned life.
It was Sunday morning, raining in Bangalore. I was sleeping like a polar bear all day, woke up and logged online and was browsing through latest Arsenal updates, when…WTF…someone has accepted my request!
Sweet lord! I was elated. I jumped onto her profile…Let me see her face…Jesus…she is pretty!

Today is my day! I thought!

I was immediately planning for my honeymoon in Bahamas…naming kids and thinking about my retirement plans. I looked closely at her profile. She has shared her mail id and asked to chat for few days!
Sounds promising!

In the meantime, my small room got flooded with friends, each one congratulating me and shyly requesting, “Please say Hi to our Bhabhi (read sister in law)”. Someone even has asked me about what will be the menu in my marriage.

Day one in Indian matrimony has been eventful.

Meeting sunshine

Totally unprepared…completely nervous and with a thousand thoughts, I started walking towards nearest Auto stand....I am meeting someone today....I have spoken to her for a long time...a close friend of mine...but this is our first meeting...my heart starts thumping...some long lost feeling from crowded streets of Bangalore comes back rushing to my mind...

I carefully check my wallet...count the notes...cross check on the coins...Relieved...I asked my father to give his old spice...it works like charm...I unpack one of my old jeans, crumpled and shirt which I bought from a old shack downtown Edinburgh....

But I am still restless...I started half an hour early…it was a bright day...perfect blue sky mildly scattered clouds...temperature searing to 100F...I slowly started walking towards auto stop....
Little crowded...kids...book seller...DYFI members with white cap with Red Crescent and fliers in hand...local sweet shops staring aimlessly towards empty store...animated egg-roll wala shouting to attract two ultra-thin girls in early twenties with brightly colored salwar...

Clock ticks to 4PM....I look towards everyone passing by...carefully observing there face...has she come? Why is she late? I get a bit annoyed...perhaps I am too early! I check my watch impatiently...
Suddenly a flash of bright smile...It’s her...I could not focus on anything else...I throat dried up...after minute fumbling…
I said, "Hi!"...

Hopeless romance, here I go again...

[Note: This piece is absolutely nonfiction. All the characters are real. If you happen to find similarity with someone you know…You know...It’s her]

I wish India had a Aviemore

The end game has began...I have started selling off my carefully bought items...packing pieces of memories in a bubble wrap...some of them were purchased from downtown london...some from a smiling lady in Stirling....all are memories...

It's time to leave....I have always felt a very special attachment to highlands...its clear blue skies..and cold wind are absolute delight to me...stopping by wee shop to buy hot soup and whipped mayonnaise sandwich...It made me long for Haldwani and Kathgheria..my childhood dream places...

I had good time here...much away from hustle of Bangalore...
I found peace here...weekend trips to highlands or Portobello beach..lazily walking around princes street, while looking towards majestic Edinburgh castle...sounds of Auld Lang Syne floods the street..
I was lonely here..couple of calls..that's was all for the day...once I go back..I will have my responsibilities...family...a billion population and color to greet me...
I wish India had a Aviemore...

Some Thoughts

As my tenure draws closure....its the time for me to head back to the place where it all began.....though it's not really comforting to be in Bangalore.....but I don't seem to have much of an option.....Things have changed since I was last there...lot has changed.......I have changed....a new phase of life awaits there.....not sure how I will react to it....but somehow it does give me hope and also poses a lot of questions.....

Yes, I am thinking about getting married and settling the score.....but a lot questions come to my mind....I happened meet quite few girls over last year...some charming..some not so...and some downright revolting in their attitude.....But I wonder, if I don't find someone who will love me, then what's the point in getting married! It seems all about compromising, and even to an extent that you don't have much left to yourself....

Every other person seem to ask me questions, plans and suddenly disappear in the social networking sites as they come....some become aloof and some do not bother to respond.....I guess I have become so incompetent that I cannot seem to find a right person for me! Is there a shortage of right sensitive women in India? or is it that they all are looking for potential Ayushman Khuarana's!....if that is the case why does women pose as sensitive, loving, caring as their attribute! I don't seem to see a iota of that, in them!!

All I have thought about and experienced seem to be nothing but crap.....I am slowly turned against arranged marriage..I guess I don't have much hope finding anyone in near future...so I should better concentrate on my other hobbies to keep me occupied....what about Ben Nevis?

Yes, to update, I will be climbing Ben Nevis this weekend....probably I will stand on highest mountain in United Kingdom and have samosa, while thinking about someone....no...I will rather think next climb...

Welcome to my new life....

Endless Goodbye

Just a like an endless passionate embrace, uncalled for, hungered for love and touch, I try to engulf the voice...separated by many a mile...many seas and countries....I can still feel the smell of her hair, the gentle fragrance of her perfume....in my own mind I tend to cross the atlantic..the frozen lochs and moores...crossing caringorms and goatfell, breaching the endless landscape of nothingness filled with whispering pines....I come towards you...

The mellifluous voice flows across the unnamed terrain of my heart....just like the I Giorgio...its surreal, divine....

Every goodbye comes with a strange sense of promise to meet again....the twinkle in eyes remains....there lies a hope...

Meeting again?

At some point of time in life..somewhere...in some other form...the affection and love gets transformed as compassion and divinity...

But where ever you go...in some form you will find me..as a guide, philosopher, tired drunkard writing love stories on the wall of his life...as a lost poet or insomniac...whatever you call me..its just me...transformed by you...for better.